A friend of mine recently lent me the book Got Milf? A Modern Mom’s Guide to Feeling Fabulous, Looking Great, and Rocking a Minivan. In case you don’t know, MILF stands for a “Mom I’d Like to F*&%.” Wait! Don’t judge me as morally irresponsible yet – hear me out. This is not a book about how to look like a hoochie mama when you’re 45 (aka “cougars”). It’s not even a book about those size-0 rich baby mamas who don’t work but have full-time nannies so they can go to the gym every day and go to their Botox appointments.

The author, Sarah Maizes, points out that MILFs “weren’t hot despite their children – they were hot because of them. Their roles as moms thrust into sharp relief their confidence, pride, and age-defying beauty. Their strong senses of self made them more complicated, more captivating and infinitely more intriguing creatures.”

So a MILF is a great mom, and yes, she may drive a mini-van (aka “swagger wagon”), but she takes care of her appearance – whether she’s a size 2 or a size 20 – and maintains her own unique identity and confidence in the midst of the roles of wifehood and parenthood. A MILF often gets noticed by men, but that’s all. MILFs are quite faithful to their hubbies! (That’s my opinion, at least!)

Let me say that on a typical work day, I start out quite MILFy. I am dressed professionally, my hair is flat-ironed, and my make-up is done. I’ve got lunches made, bags packed, and am out the door on time. However, by the end of a day of teaching, you’ll find my hair up in a ponytail and my make-up all but gone. When, I ask you, do I have time to fix up my make-up? I spend every second of my 30-minute lunch either shoving food in my mouth or gabbing away with the only adults I see all day. I spend my planning time grading papers, making phone calls, making copies, and well – planning, of course. By the time I pick up the kids, I’m impatient and frazzled.

On Saturday, it’s worse. I no longer care that I have no make-up on and my hair is oily when I go to the grocery or to the mall. It’s my day off. I’ll shower later, I tell myself.

The problem is I see MILFs everywhere now and I keep comparing myself to them. She’s skinnier than me and she has 4 kids?? Why can’t I be tan like her? I wish I would have remembered to touch up my toenail polish like Miss Pedicure Nails over there! We go to my son’s T-ball games on Saturday mornings in sweltering heat and not one mom has her hair in a ponytail. In fact, everyone’s hair looks salon-perfect, their nails are manicured, and they’re wearing cute summer sundresses while I am in athletic shorts and a T-shirt. And they’re so smiley and friendly! While I am sitting by myself and sulking that I am ugly. Real MILFy.

One of these Saturdays I decide to glam it up. I put on a casual dress, one that shows the tattoo on my back (I am hoping that will add to my MILF-iness.) I ditch my glasses for contacts, even though they are slightly uncomfortable, make sure my hair and make-up look great (well, as great as my humble styling skills can manage), and grab my cutest pair of summer sandals, which happen to be uncomfortable wedges. I make an effort to be more friendly and talk to the moms, and they are very nice to me. But no one mentions my tattoo, and my husband appears to not have noticed I made any effort to look nice. After all, he’s the one I’m supposed to be wanting to impress, not a bunch of other women. Hmmm. I’m not sure trying to be more MILFy is really helping me feel more MILFy.

In in the end, I’ve realized that I have to find my own sense of balance. I want to make an effort to look good, but I also want to be confident enough in myself that I can be MILFy even in sweats and a ponytail. Maizes has given me some good ideas to jump-start my MILF-iness, but I also give myself permission to relax sometimes.

Here’s to all you MILFs and aspiring MILFs out there!

Edit: I talked to Steven about all this, and he said that he thinks it’s pretty silly to get all dolled up when you’re going to sit outside in 100 degree heat for an hour and a half! Also, he likes me with less makeup and curly (which also means frizzy) hair. In other words, a more natural look. Sexy but not frou-frou.