So yesterday my therapist (yes, I see a therapist. Get over it.) asked me, “Do you feel better now than you ever have?”
“In my life?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes, in your life.”
That’s a hard question to answer. I’m really bad at answering “favorites” questions. Like it’s hard for me to name my absolute favorite book or absolute favorite movie or absolute favorite song. Or my absolute favorite time of my life.
So I said, “Well, I’m one of those people who loved high school and college, so those were great times.”
Silence. (I hate it when he does that. But it’s what therapists do, I suppose.)
“And, well, I mean, sometimes I miss the freedom I had before I had kids.”
More silence.
“But I mean, I wouldn’t trade my kids for that – I love my kids and love being a mom!”
MORE silence.
“I guess . . . well, I kinda always think of getting older as a bad thing.”
Then he said, “Imagine that you’re set up for the next ten years to be the best years of your life.”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot over the past 24 hours. A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she thinks her 30s are way better than her 20s. I’ve been equating my 30s with less fun and more just getting old. I’ve been equating having children with less free time and less opportunities to do the things I want to do.
But in some ways, I’m in my prime. I feel more myself than I did in my 20s. I’m more established job-wise, and I’m in a type of position that I never really thought I’d be good enough for. I’m much more developed as a writer (though still a struggling writer!) than I was ten years ago. I’ve got some mom experience under my belt, although parenting is always a work-in-progress. I’m spending more time with my friends that I was in my late twenties when I was having babies. I’ve charged over many ruts, road bumps, and rainbows (yes, I just said rainbows) in my marriage and feel like we’re in a really good place, a place of depth, right now.
What will the next ten years hold? Is the best time of my life hidden in them somewhere? I’m scared of the future. My kids are going to grow up. I’m going to get more wrinkles and varicose veins. But I’m excited about the future, too. I will bring home another child. Maybe I will publish a book. Who knows what’s in store?
Have you heard of YOLO? You Only Live Once. A new way of saying Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Sounds like a plan. Every day can be the best day of my life.
“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” – Henry David Thoreau
I love this post! Great days ahead! Unexpected joy coming your way day by day.
Karissa, having my BA in Psychology, the Masters in Education, Special Educations and still thinking about getting a degree to be a therapist, I do admire you for this post.
But I admire you for a lot more: for getting your Ph.D.
I admire you for teaching in our Sunday school — and I don’t know that you’re able to do this for another year, but I have appreciated what you’ve done.
I admire you for looking at another country’s child and seeking a way to bring that child — who needs your family — into your home.
I admire you for your writing skills.
My favorite is igbok, but YOLO is good.
God is with you! You will only go from strength to strength!
Have you read Bread, Water, Wine and Oil by Meletios Webber? If you have, I’d like for you to let me know what you think about that book. Thanks!
Margie, I don’t have my PhD, but thanks for the compliment! 🙂 What is igbok?
And no, I have not read that, but I’ll try to get a hold of it and then we can talk. 🙂
igbok – It’s going to be okay
And I do apologize for misunderstanding your fairly recent degree. However, I tend to think I am speaking truth and a future reality — if you go for it! God bless you Karissa.
You will enjoy Meltios Webber.
It was an MFA degree. 🙂
Karissa, I`m turning 50 in some days, five decades on this earth, and still can`t believe it. If each decade were a package, I´d say that each one of them brought something different. I liked it better when I was in my 30´s and then I liked it better when I was in my 40´s and I hope I like it better when I`m in my 50´s. But there is one feeling that has become more intense and it`s that every single minute is priceless, the realization that time is finite and the moment you wasted is wasted and there is no way to compensate it.
Wow! Thanks for the encouragement and insight. I hope your 50th birthday and next decade are super!